Complex Unity: A Leader’s Path Out of Polarization

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Complex Unity

As the US celebrates the 4th of July this week, we invite you to choose unity as a leader. This will absolutely be the harder way. It will feel lonely before making meaningful contact. It will test you. And yet, it brings about breakthroughs in relationships and in solutions.

We call this concept Complex Unity, and define it as “understanding, supporting, and loving someone who opposes you such that you become stronger together and choose to work for a better future together.” To borrow from Oliver Wendell Holmes, this kind of unity is not simple, but lies “on the other side of complexity,” illustrated in the 2x2 below.

Complex Unity: Understanding, supporting, and loving someone who opposes you such that you become stronger together and choose to work for a better future together.

Merriam Webster declared “polarization” as 2024’s word of the year. What will define your personal leadership this year? What about “unity” or “peace” or “friendship”?

Only 30 percent of people would help someone who disagreed with their point of view if they were in need, according to the recent Edelman Trust Barometer. What if you were part of reversing that trend by helping people, not despite their disagreements with you, but even because they disagree with you?

According to one study, Progressive Activists make up only 8 percent of the population and Devoted Conservatives make up only 6 percent. Their numbers may be small but the noise these slivers of society make can sometimes be deafening. What if you reminded those you lead that the majority is not so divided and powerful as the extremes make it appear? What if you could help galvanize the “exhausted majority” into the energized majority, bringing tribes together to discover new solutions to our most vexing problems?

Friends, this is all possible. Through technology, we have more connectivity than ever, more knowledge accessible to us than ever, more resources than ever. There is more potential for unity or division than ever. What will we choose?

Learning Self-Awareness

Andrew talked recently with a close family member on the phone with whom he disagrees on many issues (leaders–do not forget the power of a phone call!). He was cleaning one of our bathrooms as he talked, and just as he scrubbed the floor of dirt and grime, he felt their relationship become more clean–free from the residue of assumptions and misperceptions that had been growing through their communication over social media and text (or not at all). He tested out the ground rules we shared last year, and it turned out they worked! If each of us chose to have one of these types of conversations in the next month, consider how that could change your world and change the world!

Leading People

We facilitated a retreat last week for an organization where we provided frameworks and practice opportunities to check assumptions, advocate for a point of view productively, and stay curious throughout disagreements. Simple practices and norms can have a profound impact on culture.

The visual below particularly resonated with this organization. It highlights how much information is not communicated explicitly in a typical conversation, especially between leaders and those they lead. What can you do to lower the waterline and bring more understanding to your communication?

Lifting Society

Later in the same retreat, the organization’s President declared how public administrators impact every person in the United States every day, from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep. He described public service as the backbone of our country and the embodiment of our founding values. His message sent a powerful reminder to his organization that while we may have disagreements at the surface, we can dig deeper to notice the unifying undercurrents.

We were horrified by the murders of Melissa and Mark Hortman earlier this month. We noticed many responses to it, including blame, anger, defensiveness, and even sickening humor. We can learn about reaching beyond the political surface with the way their children, Sophie and Colin Hortman, chose to respond, just days after the tragedy. They invited us to plant a tree, tell a joke, and stand up for what we believe in. They said, “The best way to honor our parents’ memory is to do something, whether big or small, to make our community better.”

As we celebrate the country’s founding this week, may we take to heart and live the prayer that Melissa Hortman carried in her wallet, as we strive to make unity our word of the year.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.

Yours in leadership,

Andrew and Ariel